Facebook ... the phenomena

I have been so distracted by life and all that entails that I have completely neglected my blog. This used to be my outlet for all the thoughts running amok in my brain ... a sounding board of sorts. There are so many offerings on the web these days. Sites. Games. Distractions. All shiny objects. There was MySpace (and still is, to be fair). But then came Facebook. I have become a Facebook addict. I have reconnected with old friends. Made new friends. Accepted "friends" that I was never that friendly with. I share funnies and insights. Post photographs. Share musings, frustrations, hopes, excitements, and so much more. I play games (love my farm ... don't get me started).

But the most surprising aspect of Facebook for me has been the status messages and ensuing comments. I have *fallen* into a Motley Crew of sorts and we take turns posting a status message that inspires random comments. Be they funny or thoughtful, crass or elegant, these thoughts and reflections have inspired me to some very deep thinking lately and I love it. I'll share what was posted today.

The original status message was simple enough and started with a not so unfamiliar quote and ended with a question: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but who really defines beauty?". Many comments followed the original post and as I read it this morning, my gut reaction was to respond with something sassy or sarcastic, but for an instant, I stopped to wonder what the definition of beauty is. So, I looked it up in the dictionary. This is what I found: "the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest)." On second thought, I almost posted this in reply, but then I stopped and really thought about it more personally ... what is beauty to me? After sitting in front of my computer for quite some time, this is what I finally replied:

"I think what most of you are describing is attraction, connection, desire, and even love. From a woman's perspective, I rarely look at a man that I'm attracted to ... whether it's for his good looks, his sense of humor, his mind, his attitude, his personality, or so many other traits and qualites ... and think "he's beautiful". It's happened, but it's rare.

In a person, it encompasses all of the things you touched on and so much more. I believe beauty comes from the soul and radiates outward. Photographers can capture beauty but don't define it. Society tries to define it because they have to try and sell it. And because society has a need to define everything.

The answer lies within the question. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but also in the mind and heart. And the definition of beauty falls to the beholder. It's very personal.

For me, beauty is about what touches, moves, and inspires me."

This is not the first time I have posted a comment about something that I truly sat and thought about. And because of this, I have been dubbed "Dr. Barb" by my fellow crew members.

I was already addicted to Facebook, but now I appreciate it for something else ... it connects me with others who like me, think "deep thoughts" and also, it inspires me to think and ponder the mysteries of life even more. It has touched, moved, and inspired me. Beauty...

A Balancing Act

Recent events in my life have thrown me somewhat off balance. I've known for a long time that I have an extremist nature. When I do something, I give it 100% and go non-stop until I complete it or burn out. It's happened before. This is the first time it's happened emotionally. I've finally realized (or dared to admit) that I am a relationship crutch for my family. I expend too much effort trying to support and maintain other relationships in my family that have nothing to do with me. I put myself in that position and have let the others abuse me in it.

I guess it's always the case of the straw that broke the camel's back. An accident in the family was that final straw. I just couldn't deal with it. Having never been in that situation before, I found myself battling a bit of depression. I've never been depressed before, sad yes, depressed no. The difference to me is that I wasn't able to pull myself out of my funk. I've always been able to before, but this time was different. I needed help. I'm lucky ... I have really good friends and family who love me, but for whatever reason, they couldn't help me. They weren't the lifeline I needed.

So, I'm seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. This has been a good thing for me on many levels. I'll admit that I've always assigned a stigma to therapy ... it's only for the weak (and I'm not weak). My eyes have been opened to the fact that it is just another means of support and what I'm finding that I love about it, is that my therapist is objective. It's nice to know that friends and family are on my side, but they don't always have the perspective that I need when I'm trying to figure out what's best for me. I need someone who's not close to me to show me what I'm not seeing in the big picture of my life as well as in the details. Primarily in maintaining a healthy balance in my relationships. This applies to family and friends. I'm not here to save the world, but I am here to do what I can for those I love. However, there should be boundaries. I need to face the fact that if I'm not healthy, then I'm no good to myself or anyone else. It's all about balance.

Keeping Promises

I promised myself that I would write in my blog. As I sit here thinking ... "what do I want to write about" ... I realize that I don't have anything on my chest that I really want to get "off" of it. The only thing that's been preoccupying my thoughts lately has been my relationship and frankly I'm tired of talking about it.

So, today's post is going to be about keeping promises I've made to myself. I've been reading this book I picked up at my chiropractor's office a couple of weeks ago and it's about the healing power of gratitude and love. I'm only on chapter 6 of 25, but I've already learned so much from this book. The most important lesson is that my life is what I make it. I've never considered myself a victim of life, but I think deep down, I've always thought that certain things were out of my control. However, I've been doing a lot of reading and research lately, mostly about the Law of Attraction and such. I'm trying expanding my mind and heart to embrace and use the power that God has given me. The power to create my own life and not just let life happen to me. At the end of every chapter in this book, there is a section for reflection as well as realization exercises. At the end of chapter 4, one of my exercises was to list (in order of importance to me) the three highest priority goals or objectives I wish to achieve. My number three on that list was to write in my blog every day. Now, I read that chapter sometime last week and even though I didn't start right away, I realize that I need to be accountable to myself and keep the promises I made (especially to me). I see that as an important step to being the creator of my life. Doing what I set out to do. Accomplishing the things that make me happy and keep me fulfilled. Living my dream.

LDRs

Yes, I'm in a long distance relationship. I wake up some days wondering how it happened. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't expect it. It just happened. Like any other relationship, it has its ups and downs and I sometimes struggle dealing with the erratic wave of emotions and moods that come along with it. So, as with any other situation that comes into my life, the best way to figure it out is to research and read about it. I wanted to know the particular struggles LDR couples face and the strategies they use to survive. I found various resources on the internet: websites dedicated to the subject, articles on relationship sites, advice from experts, and I even checked out a book from my local library. I experienced a litany of feelings reading through all the material I found: surprise, frustration, relief, anger, and even had a few "aha" moments. I don't know if all this research made me feel any better about my relationship or that it garnered any hope that it is going to survive, but I definitely learned a few things. For those of you out there in LDRs, here are some strategies I found:

* Stay in regular communication.
* Stay optimistic.
* Socialize with with friends and family routinely.
* Find someone (other than your partner) you can talk to about your relationship.
* Discuss ground rules with your partner.
* Schedule your next reunion before you leave your current one.
* Plan the relationship in small blocks of time.
* Keep up on the daily trivia of each other's lives.
* Send letters and photos often.

I have tried some of these and some are new to me. The important thing is to adapt each one to your own relationship and personal needs. And remember, you can research till you've exhausted all the resources out there, but nothing will beat talking to your partner directly about what each of you wants and needs from the relationship. If you can't communicate openly and honestly with your partner, then the distance is the least of your concerns (and mine).