Recent events in my life have thrown me somewhat off balance. I've known for a long time that I have an extremist nature. When I do something, I give it 100% and go non-stop until I complete it or burn out. It's happened before. This is the first time it's happened emotionally. I've finally realized (or dared to admit) that I am a relationship crutch for my family. I expend too much effort trying to support and maintain other relationships in my family that have nothing to do with me. I put myself in that position and have let the others abuse me in it.
I guess it's always the case of the straw that broke the camel's back. An accident in the family was that final straw. I just couldn't deal with it. Having never been in that situation before, I found myself battling a bit of depression. I've never been depressed before, sad yes, depressed no. The difference to me is that I wasn't able to pull myself out of my funk. I've always been able to before, but this time was different. I needed help. I'm lucky ... I have really good friends and family who love me, but for whatever reason, they couldn't help me. They weren't the lifeline I needed.
So, I'm seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. This has been a good thing for me on many levels. I'll admit that I've always assigned a stigma to therapy ... it's only for the weak (and I'm not weak). My eyes have been opened to the fact that it is just another means of support and what I'm finding that I love about it, is that my therapist is objective. It's nice to know that friends and family are on my side, but they don't always have the perspective that I need when I'm trying to figure out what's best for me. I need someone who's not close to me to show me what I'm not seeing in the big picture of my life as well as in the details. Primarily in maintaining a healthy balance in my relationships. This applies to family and friends. I'm not here to save the world, but I am here to do what I can for those I love. However, there should be boundaries. I need to face the fact that if I'm not healthy, then I'm no good to myself or anyone else. It's all about balance.
