A Balancing Act

Recent events in my life have thrown me somewhat off balance. I've known for a long time that I have an extremist nature. When I do something, I give it 100% and go non-stop until I complete it or burn out. It's happened before. This is the first time it's happened emotionally. I've finally realized (or dared to admit) that I am a relationship crutch for my family. I expend too much effort trying to support and maintain other relationships in my family that have nothing to do with me. I put myself in that position and have let the others abuse me in it.

I guess it's always the case of the straw that broke the camel's back. An accident in the family was that final straw. I just couldn't deal with it. Having never been in that situation before, I found myself battling a bit of depression. I've never been depressed before, sad yes, depressed no. The difference to me is that I wasn't able to pull myself out of my funk. I've always been able to before, but this time was different. I needed help. I'm lucky ... I have really good friends and family who love me, but for whatever reason, they couldn't help me. They weren't the lifeline I needed.

So, I'm seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. This has been a good thing for me on many levels. I'll admit that I've always assigned a stigma to therapy ... it's only for the weak (and I'm not weak). My eyes have been opened to the fact that it is just another means of support and what I'm finding that I love about it, is that my therapist is objective. It's nice to know that friends and family are on my side, but they don't always have the perspective that I need when I'm trying to figure out what's best for me. I need someone who's not close to me to show me what I'm not seeing in the big picture of my life as well as in the details. Primarily in maintaining a healthy balance in my relationships. This applies to family and friends. I'm not here to save the world, but I am here to do what I can for those I love. However, there should be boundaries. I need to face the fact that if I'm not healthy, then I'm no good to myself or anyone else. It's all about balance.

Keeping Promises

I promised myself that I would write in my blog. As I sit here thinking ... "what do I want to write about" ... I realize that I don't have anything on my chest that I really want to get "off" of it. The only thing that's been preoccupying my thoughts lately has been my relationship and frankly I'm tired of talking about it.

So, today's post is going to be about keeping promises I've made to myself. I've been reading this book I picked up at my chiropractor's office a couple of weeks ago and it's about the healing power of gratitude and love. I'm only on chapter 6 of 25, but I've already learned so much from this book. The most important lesson is that my life is what I make it. I've never considered myself a victim of life, but I think deep down, I've always thought that certain things were out of my control. However, I've been doing a lot of reading and research lately, mostly about the Law of Attraction and such. I'm trying expanding my mind and heart to embrace and use the power that God has given me. The power to create my own life and not just let life happen to me. At the end of every chapter in this book, there is a section for reflection as well as realization exercises. At the end of chapter 4, one of my exercises was to list (in order of importance to me) the three highest priority goals or objectives I wish to achieve. My number three on that list was to write in my blog every day. Now, I read that chapter sometime last week and even though I didn't start right away, I realize that I need to be accountable to myself and keep the promises I made (especially to me). I see that as an important step to being the creator of my life. Doing what I set out to do. Accomplishing the things that make me happy and keep me fulfilled. Living my dream.

LDRs

Yes, I'm in a long distance relationship. I wake up some days wondering how it happened. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't expect it. It just happened. Like any other relationship, it has its ups and downs and I sometimes struggle dealing with the erratic wave of emotions and moods that come along with it. So, as with any other situation that comes into my life, the best way to figure it out is to research and read about it. I wanted to know the particular struggles LDR couples face and the strategies they use to survive. I found various resources on the internet: websites dedicated to the subject, articles on relationship sites, advice from experts, and I even checked out a book from my local library. I experienced a litany of feelings reading through all the material I found: surprise, frustration, relief, anger, and even had a few "aha" moments. I don't know if all this research made me feel any better about my relationship or that it garnered any hope that it is going to survive, but I definitely learned a few things. For those of you out there in LDRs, here are some strategies I found:

* Stay in regular communication.
* Stay optimistic.
* Socialize with with friends and family routinely.
* Find someone (other than your partner) you can talk to about your relationship.
* Discuss ground rules with your partner.
* Schedule your next reunion before you leave your current one.
* Plan the relationship in small blocks of time.
* Keep up on the daily trivia of each other's lives.
* Send letters and photos often.

I have tried some of these and some are new to me. The important thing is to adapt each one to your own relationship and personal needs. And remember, you can research till you've exhausted all the resources out there, but nothing will beat talking to your partner directly about what each of you wants and needs from the relationship. If you can't communicate openly and honestly with your partner, then the distance is the least of your concerns (and mine).